LOVE YOU MAA

What could be the last place where you’d want to be?
For me ‘It is Home’- I replied. I’m sitting at a little distance from my maa— far enough to not to wake her up; and close enough to watch her sleep. I’m sitting by the window and I can see a bird, with red and green feathers; constantly chirping, almost like the rhythm of her heart beating.

The windowpanes are shut and the only sound I hear is of slight snoring that my mother does when she sleeps. Silence is a very tricky thing. It makes you see things you’d never see. So again, it makes me to remember the days when I had seen her suffering.

As a kid, we(siblings) used to munch on hot and fresh cooked food. And one day, I saw maa eating the leftovers of the previous day. Not just because we were careless not to notice if there's some still left for her or not but she always believed wasting even one bite of food is a curse. I was a little boy when I learnt this well enough as she used to show me the people begging even for one time bread.

As I grew up, it always itched me to see maa eating after serving everyone. Why does she always have to cook? Why should she always be the one to eat after everyone else? Why does she always have to take care of us and why can't we do the same for her?

When I turned 17, I learnt to make chapattis’, regardless of the fact what shape they were in. Someday’s it was square, some days it was rhombus and other days I don't know which country's map it resembled. The first thing I wanted to do after I learnt to make chapattis’ was to make sure she doesn't have to be the one who eats last. However, I always failed.

One day, I asked her "maa, why do you always have to be the one who eats last?"
She said, "I'm only full once I make sure you people are". I didn't understand what she meant.

Few month ago, maa told us about the pain she was in. Her body needed care and she needed our comfort. We took her to a doctor. The doctor told us how increased her DIABETES level is, maa needed to go under rest and to maintain her diet. All of us were worried except maa.

Yesterday, she was admitted to the hospital and checked for about half an hour. When she came back after check-up in a state of half-consciousness, as the doctors gave her hard medicines and injections but somehow she managed to ask me if I was fine. She was the one who needed medicine but instead came out as one for us.

Suddenly, I heard – ‘kindly pass me, the glass of water’. And my mind that was trying to conceive from the past somehow came into the present. It was maa and then again she asked me – whether I ate or not? Belongingness- such a precious thing in such a huge world. Outside of this window, the city is violent and chaotic; and it bears no sign of belongingness what so ever. It’s full of noises and sounds. To someone like me who has learnt to speak things out loud because no one will hear you otherwise, this silence here in this room is suffocating.

But then, it’s the only thing I come here for. Now, my house is an empty plot with furniture and electricity. My home is here, in this silence. Have you ever had a shirt, or a muffler or a sweater that you loved wearing? And then one of its thread got pulled, or you outgrew it? As a kid, I cried when I outgrew my shoes. Those things belonged with me, and that was my first lesson of letting go of things that belong to you. I belong to this room because the woman here is my home.

So Today, I served the food to maa before everyone else. After making sure if everyone had eaten, I took a plate for myself and ate whatever was left. I didn't eat as much as I did when maa served me. I couldn't get enough food but I was full and satisfied like never before. It wasn't my stomach that was hungry, it was my soul, for years. And today, I understood what maa meant.

                               

                                            HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MAA.

I DIDN’T PUT A INSTA OR WHATSAPP STORY TO SHOW YOU “HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU” BUT I LOVE YOU MAA ( I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER READ THIS, TOO).