For The Last Time

Will you let me cry for one more time?
But this time, I don’t want you to seek pleasure in my tears. I want you to feel them. I want you to see the pain I will shed through them. I am tired of holding them back. I am tired of faking a smile. I want to let you know I miss you. No, I am not incomplete, but different. No, I don’t want you to be there for me forever. But this time, for the last time.

Will you let me cry for one more time?
But this time, I don’t want you to remain silent or yell at me. I want you to hug me tight. I don’t want you to be revengeful this time. I want you to absorb all these tears and say, “It’s fine. Cry this time. For the last time.” I am exhausted now and have stopped telling everyone that I don’t care. Because I realize I do.

Will you let me cry for one more time?
But this time, I don’t want you to see me going. I want you to hold me like you were used to. Grab my waist and fold your arms into me. I want you to listen what’s my heart says. I know it will be louder than before. I want you to listen to my heartbeats one more time. I know you don’t need me in the life. I know you have lived it without me and you will live without me. I don’t want you to see how I am living without you. I just want to see you one more time. I just want to feel one more time.

Will you let me cry for one more time?
But this time, I don’t want to say “Goodbye” while crying. I want you to tell me everything you have kept inside. Hold my hands into yours. I want to listen your every word you didn’t say. I want you to listen to the words you didn’t hear. I want to feel all pain you carried behind those eyes. I know it will break me down. The tears (of you and me) are frozen now. I want them to flow. I want them to clash and dissolve all egos. Love or hate is not the exact thing I wish for. I don’t want to take your smiles, but tears. I want an end. I want an end of this endless pain and tears that are still residing somewhere in the heart.

Will you let me cry for one more time?
But this time, it should be different. I don’t want anybody around. Just you and me and our moment. Where you will open up, where I will be calm down. No, I don’t want your best friend to come along. This time, it should be different. I don’t want anyone but you to see my naked truths. I don’t want anyone but me to see your hidden cries. I don’t want you to share it with your friends or anyone. I want it all different.

But still, will you hug me tight, grab my waist, fold your arms into me, and tell me everything you have kept inside?

“It is still on my last wish list. For the last time, will you let me cry?”