An insane thought

Yesterday I was at a party. It was on a rooftop, and the sky and air were quite clear. They had good old time Madonna and peter Andre songs on like papa don’t preach and Mysterious girl. I know you’ve probably never heard of them. I’m ancient just to give you a hint and I like Bollywood songs more, you know.

So anyway, being who I am I didn’t really want to socialise much. Yes, if you ask me something I will answer. Of course, I’m not rude! And I’ll engage you in a conversation as long as you need, but I won’t be the one starting the conversation. Nope, that’s not me.

Most of the night everyone was lost amongst themselves and I was okay with it. Why wouldn’t I be, I was enjoying the songs too much to care. Tonight I had decided that for once I won’t actively reach out and grab my phone. The night was clear enough for me to spot the stars. I sat there in a corner and tried to just watch them.

That’s when it hit me. I couldn’t. I tried and failed at staring at the stars. Who would have ever heard of it? No, there was no blockage in my view, no one stopped me, except the nagging feeling that it wasn’t right to stare. “They’d think you’re weird or insane”, my mind said.

I was only staring at the stars, how does that even become a bad thing? I wondered.

But I couldn’t. absolutely couldn’t. And my hand reached to grab my phone just so that people think I’m doing something “normal” even though my mind wasn’t even on the screen. Before I turned on my screen I decided to try again, “come on no one is looking. No one cares. Everyone is too drunk to think”, I told myself. But I still couldn’t.

That’s when I came to realise how bad my world had gotten. It was fine if I stared my phone. But not if I looked up, lost and amazed at the night sky.

And I’m sure it would have been just fine, had I started a live video, and looked at the stars while sharing it on a screen. They would have been perfectly okay with me. But not if I wanted to watch the stars without wanting to share. No. that would have been the heights of insanity.

Yesterday night was the first time in a long time that I felt this way. And I hate what we have become.